I take it back

Almost a year ago, I posted a little rant dissing Stumptown Coffee. Well, I have to sort of take it back, because not long ago I drank a really tasty cup of Stumptown.

So I'll swallow my pride and admit that my main reason for bashing Stumptown had less to do with their coffee and more to do with image.  It started a few years back when Bon Appetit magazine featured Stumptown's founder in an article.  I looked at his photograph and immediately began ignoring the article's content.

This guy looks like every third person in Portland, I thought.  Buddy Holly glasses, greasy hair.  Give me a break.  Then I drank a few cups of acrid Stumptown and thought ha. HA!

The problem is, though, I've had bad cups of coffee everywhere.  Starbucks, Peet's, Tully's (poor Tully's).  The worst cup ever was at the Park Place Starbucks, in one of high-rent areas around Lake Washington. I tasted my Americano and thought wow, they're pulling icky shots today.  People left the store and got in their Porsches, BMW's and Hummers, carrying their grande' lattes which I'm sure tasted awful.

Years ago, I worked with a barista who had transferred north from Park City, Utah.  She told me that during the Sundance film festival, she served terrible coffee to several movie stars. The store was just too busy to tinker with the grind or watch how long it took shots to pull.

She said that when serving the stars during a major film festival, acting is everything. "Just look them in the eye and give them the drink," she said.  When you know the beverage stinks, just hand it over with confidence.  If the customer dislikes it, they might think oh, it's just me.

On the other hand, I've had great coffee at Starbucks, Peets, etc.  It makes me wonder how many of my likes and dislikes are image-related and not based on real experience.

I drank my first good cup of Stumptown (plain, black) this August with R's new fifth-grade teacher.  I contacted her before school started, hoping to share a few e-mails about my son, his unique personality and learning style. She suggested we meet for coffee, and we had a great, productive time.  We talked about our mutual love for Jesus Christ and our struggle to be good moms in this crazy world.

So I'll try to relax and not jump on my soapbox when something offends my crabby 40-year-old mom sensibilities.  Good grief.  That's really what I am. But to quote Robert Zimmerman of Hibbing, Minnesota:

I was so much older then,

I'm younger than that now.

The Bathroom of Olfactory Blessing

Twelve years ago the Spouse and I spent a couple weeks in China.  It was there I got the idea to name a few rooms in our house.

In Beijing, while the Spouse worked, I toured the Forbidden City and the Temple of Heaven.  Together, the Spouse and I visited the Summer Palace, a park-like compound where the emperors could relax during hot summers.  These places were all very large, and it seemed like every bridge, room and passageway had a special name.

The Forbidden City had the Hall of Celestial and Terrestrial Union, and the Gate of Peaceful Old Age, to list just a couple of its 9,999 rooms.  At the Temple of Heaven are spaces such as the Imperial Vault of Heaven, the Palace of Abstinence, and the Pavilion of Immolation.  (I don't want to know.)  The Summer Palace was sprawling and leafy and included the Hall of Utmost Blessing and the Hall of Benevolence and Longevity.

I tell you all this because I'm writing a post about our main bathroom remodel.

 

We gutted the room because it was ugly and it stunk.  The photo above shows you why it stunk.  That entire nook had, quite possibly, only been used by a handful of females since 1973.  Basically, the entire area had become one big urinal; the toilet was only a meek suggestion.

I posted these same demolition photos in early July...and it is now October.  The boys helped with demo, I painted walls & cabinets, the Spouse did most of the tile, replaced the tub and loo and did the plumbing, and the Corian people did the countertop.  Many thanks to our friend Dave, who re-installed the counters while the Spouse was traveling.  Today the Spouse and I popped towel hooks on the walls, and for the most part we can say we're finished.

The original mirror was huge and the edges were all dinged up - see above.  So we re-hung it and I bought mdf boards from Home Depot. The Spouse cut them to frame the mirror, I sanded & painted, then we stuck them straight to the glass with Liquid Nails.

So the room is no longer ugly, and there is no stench..  Therefore, it is the Bathroom of Olfactory Blessing.

Lightning bug

 

The difference between the almost right word and the right word is really a large matter - it's the difference between the lightning bug and the lightning. - Mark Twain

 

I think Mark Twain would've liked our eldest.  They could've sat and talked about boats, rivers, frogs, gold-mines, volcanoes, why Mom dislikes swimming holes that smell of dead fish, and words.

One thing R might tell his new friend is that when you can't summon the right word, you can make one up.  In Twain's time, people like Lewis Carroll coined crazy terms, but years later people like Dr. Seuss and Shel Silverstein carried the practice over the top, which is the way kids like things these days.

Last week I was in the kitchen when R, sitting at the breakfast table, murmured something.

"What was that?" I asked.

"Flutuberences," he said.

"How do you pronounce that?"

"Fluh-TOO-ber-en-sez."

"Can you use it in a sentence?"

"The old hag had flutuberences all over her body."

Free Lancer

This year both our sons are in school - real-life, brick & mortar (well, it's wood) Christian school.  This means a few things:

1. I'm no longer a homeschool mom.
2. We've added a large item to our yearly spending.
3. I have to decide what to do now.

I'm praying, lots, and thinking about the Proverbs 31 woman working willingly with her hands.  There are plenty things right here in the house I can do with my hands, and I'm doing them, and it keeps me moving the whole time the boys are gone.  It would be nice to bring in a little income, though, and that thought launches me into a hilarious mental process of which only I am capable.  I have too many ideas, and most of them defy categorization. So once again, I resort to humor.

One great self-motivation tool is to design your business card.  (You don't have to actually be employed to design your business card. This can just be a tool of the imagination, like closing your eyes and pretending you're on a tropical beach.)  So in this post I'll offer some sample business-card slogans I cooked up for myself.

My supermodel career fizzled early on.  This is a dramatic understatement, since I never had a supermodel career, but a vain girl can dream.  Twenty-odd years ago, a guy NAMED JUSTIN on whom I had a terrible crush, and who called me "kiddo," flipped his long hair over his shoulder and told me, "You're fairly good looking."

So that's been stuck in my craw for two decades.  Here's my supermodel business card slogan:

 

KDK

"Fairly Good Looking"

 

I do have a more practical job prospect.  I happen to think I'm a very good shrub-pruner.  The Spouse might disagree, but I have access to the trimmers while he's working, and I don't mess around.  I think if you're going to trim a shrub, you should trim the silly thing so it doesn't have to happen again for a few years.  This is really the way I live my life, but that's another story.

 

 

 

I could make a living at this.  Here's my card:

 

*  KdK  *

"What have you done!??"

 

I'll end with my favorite card.  As many of you know, I've done a bit of editing for hire, and I'm a sort of good-natured grammarian.  But sometimes I reach my limit, so I've come up with the perfect way to use my time:  I can be a free lancer.

 

A free lancer is different from a freelancer.  As a free lancer, I could drive around with a lance in my car - one like the medieval knights used to bash one another off horses.  When I spot a sign by the road that says something like "Plant's for Sale" or "Hot Pie's", I can park, walk over to the perpetrator, and lance them for free.

 

But I wouldn't get paid for that.  Oh, well.

 

== KDK ==

"Free Lancing"