Donut

You might've guessed this about me, but I haven't eaten a doughnut in years.  They're just not my thing.

Last week, though, the Spouse needed to see conference rooms in a couple downtown hotels (meetings coming up - local meetings, for once), so he hauled us across the river to the PRP.  That's People's Republic of Portland, for you non-locals.

We ate street-cart food, which was excellent.  I had some sort of Cuban chicken in guava sauce with brown rice and black beans.  J ate a burrito about the size of his arm, and the Spouse ate a gyro.  Then we stumbled across The Donut Shop Which Shall Not Be Named.

"I have to go in," said the Spouse, as if drawn by a sinister force.

I waited in the car, my eyes alert for parking-patrol officers, ready to spring out of the passenger seat and act like I just pulled in and intended to pay the whole time.

The Spouse and J emerged.  J was devouring an old-fashioned donut with maple glaze.  The Spouse was carrying a little white bag.

The donut inside looked like a train wreck.  It was covered in Captain Crunch with Crunch Berries, as if some hyperglycemic toddler had been allowed into the bakery.

Back home, I cut a chunk off and took a bite.  Immediately I had one of those experiences where the taste in your mouth short-circuits your brain because it tastes so much more intense and sweet than anything occurring in nature.  I have to admit it was fun.

I also had to run for milk, because the cereal needed it.

Donuts still aren't my thing, but that was a tasty donut, and I only needed four bites.

I think this post was mostly about the photo.

Heroes & Villains

I should have a photo for his post, but I don't.  The story involves 25 fourth-graders, though, so a monkey is good.

Yesterday I attended a class event at R's school.  Each student chose a historical figure, read a biography, wrote a presentation, and shared their research with the class - dressed up like the person they chose to study.  Several parents came; we sat in the back and took pictures (except of course, me).

We learned about the athlete Yao Ming, George Lucas, Christopher Columbus ("My hair turned white by the time I was thirty!"), Queen Elisabeth I, Johnny Appleseed ("I'm a vegetarian and I LOOOOVE apples."), Mother Teresa and Rosa Parks.

R was the Red Baron.  His presentation was one of the first.  It seemed to set the tone, and frankly it was illustrative, for me, of the tenuous, spider-silk line between control and pandemonium that exists in any normal classroom.  (R's teacher, by the way, is an expert at keeping that line intact while remaining calm.)

The Red Baron (wearing a bomber jacket and scarf) told all about himself, then had his teacher show YouTube video of Snoopy fighting his nemesis.  You know how many iterations of the same thing exist on YouTube...well the teacher queued up one that looked normal for thirty seconds, then suddenly in the background behind Snoopy appeared a very attractive blond woman in a T-shirt that was much too small.  Teacher ran for the stop button, and we all clapped for the Red Baron.

Mary Todd Lincoln was another highlight. Her presentation was in interview form.

Q:  "Describe your marriage to Abraham Lincoln."

A:  "It had its ups and downs..."

Q:  "How many children did you have?"

A:  "We had three sons.  One son died when he was little.  One son died after Abraham Lincoln did, and the other son had mental issues."

End of interview.

Mickey Mouse told all about Walt Disney's life.  Her last line: "On December 15, 1966, he died of lung cancer and went to heaven."

Cleopatra was blond and gorgeous.  She described her reign, her struggles with Roman empire, and the bothersome Marc Antony bit.  Then she walked over to the teacher's terrarium, grabbed the class's pet snake, pretended to let it bite her and collapsed gracefully to the floor.

Since he's a popular kid and quite dramatic, R got to play a lot of supporting roles.  He was Pat Garrett and shot Billy the Kid, but he really shone as John Wilkes Booth.  Abraham Lincoln gave a solemn presentation ("I had a cousin named Dennis.") with lots of good facts, the last of which was the shooting at Ford's Theatre.  At that point, John Wilkes Booth (R, in a black bowler hat) ran up and shot Lincoln and he sprawled between all the desks.

Then Mary Todd Lincoln stormed out of her seat and chased John Wilkes Booth around the room until the teacher said stop.

It's hard to know how to end this post without a shooting.  Blam!  There. (applause)